指導教官の先生からメールが来ました。”Research Problems”という題名で。

ショックだったので内容をコピペ（名前はイニシャルだけにしてあります）

  I am sorry this research project has had so many problems. I don’t know if you have heard anything yet from S or from J, but it is difficult to force others to participate in your research. I am sorry that I am not a linguistic expert for you. Perhaps it would be better if D takes over for me as your thesis advisor this term since he may be more of a linguistic grammar expert. I should have advised you not to do this project as it is because there were so many other people you needed to depend on for their classes, their students, the students allowing you access and so forth. I thought I had gently pointed that out to you, but you were convinced it could work and I hesitated to dampen your enthusiasm. My mistake. Also, the course was not properly set up when it was handed to me and therefore it was difficult to find out who else could be assisting you with this. D did not set up any kind of system for other faculty members who could be counted on to help you with your projecty. You and I met almost weekly for many weeks, but I guess that was not sufficient for you nor apparently was it helpful in any way. I am sorry and will speak to D about perhaps taking over from this point on so you can get more of a linguistic expert to advise you and guide you. I am very knowledgeable about doing research and working on research, but since linguistics is not my speciality nor was it my focus, then once the topic of your research was presented to me, I should have handed it over to someone else. I’m sorry I was such a disappointment to you. I could tell from the angry and frustrated tone of some of your more recent email messages, that it was not a good “fit” for me to advise you. I will speak to D and then you may find more satisfaction with him as your advisor.

 

訳そうかと思ったんですがちょっとそんな元気もなくてすいません。お腹痛いので少し休んで18時からサッカーあるようなのでそこで気持ちをリフレッシュできたらなと思っております。

では。

アメリカ New Hampshireより。

つらい。

04/24/13　追記：僕のこのメールに対する返信の内容も以下にコピペしておきます

Hello, R,

To be honest, I am really upset about what you said. I don’t think my research has problem and it forced many people to get involved. If you say so, I would  like you to tell me how classroom oriented language teaching research could possibly be done. The problem derived from two things: one is the course itself and two is the fact that D, who proposed this thesis option, is away.
I have never done language teaching research and never even written thesis. I knew that I really needed somebody who is experienced in research in second language acquisition, language teaching and learning, applied linguistics or whatever it is called.  But, there was no choice. At first I heard that thesis option would be available, I was really excited that I would be able to do what I had wanted to do. Although I was worried about trying a new thing which even you did not know well, and I realized that no professor in TEFL program could supervise me since I never met professors who research, I thought it would not matter if I worked hard, and I still do think so. The only reason why I have been wanting to do the research as it is is that you said it would be wonderful and encouraged me. Besides, the guideline or syllabus of EFL 580 obviously requires the students taking the course to do empirical study, and I thought SNHU would be a good place to do empirical research, since many ESL students study here. That’s why I decided to extend my staying in the US, paying $4000 for only doing thesis, which is not easy to pay.
Nevertheless,  I have wondered why I needed to pay that huge amount of money just for having a meeting with you once a week. I have questioned myself: “Is this worthwhile paying $4000?”
You did help me a lot. I would not be here without your help. I agree that the thesis option has to be revised or it may be impossible to be done since all professors, both full-time and part-time, are professional language teachers but not researchers. Being able to teach English well does not necessarily mean that the person can teach graduate course or supervise research stuff, and the fact that the program puts emphasis on practice rather than theory and training language teacher instead of researcher cannot be an excuse. I sincerely believe that the program, at least thesis program, must be changed. I understand that you tried to do your best in order to do  what was expected of you even though you might realize thesis options had so many problems. I wish I could ask for refund if the research is impossible. I am a victim.
Anyway, I am not disappointed with you and I am not going to blame on you since I did not expect too much on you. The only thing I need now is getting the experiment done. That’s it. If the experiment is completed, I could finish writing up thesis as quickly as possible. If classroom study is impossible, I will change my research design and ask my friends to participate in my study. I really need to talk to D. How can I reach him? I sent him an email but got a reply automatically saying that he is now in sabbatical.

Sincerely yours,

Yu Tamura

 

04/25/2013 追記：上記の僕のメールに対する指導教官の先生の返信も追記しておきます。一応やりとりに関してはこのあと僕が色々言いすぎてすいませんでしたって言ってとりあえず今後どうするかっていう話になりました。

Yu,
Thank you for your message. First of all, I completely understand your frustration, but you are not correct to say you had never met a professor here in our program who is experienced in research. There are a few of us, me included who is experienced in research in language learning and language learning acquisition so I don’t know where you are getting your information. That is not true. I am not just a professional language teacher. I have a doctorate; I did years of research for my dissertation. No, it was not in applied linguistics. No, I was not familair with Foto’s study. That does not mean I have never done any research and no one else has. I could be offended by your statements, but I understand you are very upset.
Secondly, your research study is not impossible. I did not say that nor did I imply that and I am not suggesting you give up. I’m sorry if that is what you thought. Of course not. It is just very frustrating to continue to have to nudge the instructors to get back to you, respond to you, and so forth. That is not your fault. Please do not abandon your research. I will reach out again to S and to J so you can do the study. Yes, I was very excited for you and for your research. I said it and I will say it again. No, I was not familiar with Foto’s study. Just because I was not familiar with your study does not mean I had never done research or don’t know about anything but teaching. You can be angry with me and disappointed with me, but you need not make false statements against me. I understand, you’re angry. I am frustrated as well that this course was put into place without considering many factors, but that does not mean it is a waste of tiem and money.
Let us deal with the here and now. I will arrange for you to have the GLS students be in the study. I will insist that the GLS teachers get involved and get you the students you need. I am not giving up on you even though you seem to have decided I don’t know anything and cannot help you. That is not true. We will continue for now. As for D, I cannot understand how he will not respond to your email message. I can only guess what you wrote and what negative things you said about me and the course, but I cannot do anything about that. We must go from here. I will help you get the study going and then turn you over to D if that is what you wish. I will get back to you later today with which GLS class you can do the study with. Again, I apologize for not being the expert you would have wanted for this research.

メモ

日英バイリンガル留学生の集うボストンキャリアフォーラムなう。一応チノパンにシャツ着てネクタイしてベストのセーター着て入れたけどスーツじゃないやついねえｗ 日本人以外にも留学生がいたり。ぐろーばる人材の卵がたくさんいます(棒
歩きながらレッツノートいじってるノマドの卵もいました(棒 知ってる企業もあれば聞いたことのなような企業もあり。日本語で説明会やってるところもあれば英語でやってるところもあり。日本人じゃない人(英語喋ってるけど国籍はわからん)がブースの前に立ってるところもあったし。来たはいいけどやっぱりこういう雰囲気は苦手というか、やっぱ興味ないからつまらない。話し聞いてみようかなという気にもならないほど僕はチャレンジ精神というか好奇心とかないなと思ったり。スライドぐちゃぐちゃしててなにこれみたいなのも散見されるしどう見ても日本人同士なのになぜかぎこちない英語で喋ってたりと。

いやーでもこういう人たちがこれからの日本を支えるぐろーばる人材として期待されてる人たちなんだろうし、僕が教師になったとして、将来的にはこういうところにくるような子たちにも英語教えることになるんだろうなとか思うわけで。例え僕がそういうことを目指していなくても、国や世間的にはこうやって留学して、「世界をまたにかけて」仕事するぐろーばる人材育成のための「学校英語教育」という位置づけなのだろうし、そこに携わろうとしている以上、僕が教育に携わった結果として、僕がなんか違和感のようなものを覚えるようなこういう所にくるような子たちが増えていくのかもしれない。というかむしろそういう子たちを応援するような立場にあるはずなのに、僕がこのイベントに感じてる違和感や、「ぐろーばる」という標語に感じる嫌悪感はいったいどこからきてるのだろう。

僕は英語を教えたいと思うし、だから英語教師になろうと思っている。どのような英語学習が効果があるのか、どのような指導が効果があるのか、また英語教育に関わる諸問題についてを日々勉強しているわけでして。「日本人が英語ができない」というのが学校英語教育のせいになっている現状がどうしても納得がいかなくて、それをどうにかしたいと、そういう仕事に従事したいと強く思いながらここ数年は生きてきて、でも例えば日本人が英語が得意になったとして、それで「日英バイリンガル留学生」と言われるような学生が増えたとする。それは僕の夢なんだろうか。

追記：いや絶対そんなことはないと思う。そりゃきっと英語教師になって、英語を使う仕事についていたり海外に留学しますなんて教え子がでたらそれは嬉しいものなんだろう。でもそのために英語を教えるわけじゃないような気がしている。学校教育が軽視しがちと言われるいわゆる「できる子たち」のことをどうでもいいと思っているわけではないのだけれど、どっちかっていうと英語マジ無理っすみたいな層に働きかけたいという気持ちの方が強いのかなあと思ったり。英語教育の目的なんて偉い人が考えればいいんじゃないのっていう意見をちらっとみかけて、うーんでもそれはなんだか違うようなって思ってしまったんですよね。教師の志望動機は「英語教えたいから」でいいじゃないかと思ってるんですが、じゃあなんで英語を教えるんだろう。教えるからには「英語が少しでもできるようになる」ことを目指して日々指導にあたるんでしょうけれども、じゃあその結果として生徒が英語ができるようになったことによって世の中がどうなるんだろうとかそういうことも考えたんです。いや考えてもわからないんですけど。でも、「学生や生徒が英語ができるようになってほしい」しそのためにいろんなことを勉強していくわけですけどじゃあその先は？ってなると、今の僕には具体的なことが思い浮かばないんですよね。皆様はどうお考えなのかも気になります。

ボストンキャリアフォーラム行ったときに、暇だったから思ったことつらつら書いてて、そのことにちょっと追記しました。肝心のボスキャリどうだったんだっていう感想は特に無いですね。ああ日本人留学生ってこんなにいるんだなあってくらいでした。

そんな感じ。

アメリカ New Hampshireより。

おしまい。